For most of my life, being strong meant handling everything myself. Staying in control, coping quietly and being the person who could always figure it out. For a long time, that worked.

When my dad died, something changed. I became much more aware of how quickly life moves and how much of mine I’d spent getting through it rather than properly being in it.

In the months afterwards, I started noticing the small things again. Butterflies appearing out of nowhere, sunrises, sunsets, rainbows and little signs that brought me back into whatever was happening right in front of me.

I’d also spent more than 25 years in a high-pressure corporate career, juggling work, leadership and being a mum to my daughter Abbey. I was good at getting things done, but I also knew how exhausting it was to feel responsible for everything all the time.

Eventually I started noticing versions of the same thing in other women. Capable women with full lives who were still lying awake at 2am, overthinking, people pleasing, putting ridiculous pressure on themselves and wondering why they couldn’t just switch off.

That became the starting point for what I now call The Survival Spiral.

It’s a collection of patterns that can become so normal you barely notice them anymore: always doing, staying in control, taking responsibility for everyone, pushing yourself and finding it incredibly difficult to stop.

One thing became particularly important to me as a mum: our children are watching how we treat ourselves too. I became much more conscious of what Abbey was seeing in the way I spoke to myself, handled pressure and moved through my own life.

My own therapy, coaching and professional training changed a lot for me. It helped me understand the patterns I’d been repeating, where some of them had come from and what I could actually do differently.

I’ve always been the person people come and talk to. I’m interested in what’s sitting underneath the thing someone initially brings into the session, because very often that’s where the useful work is.

Today I work mainly with high-functioning women who are tired of repeating the same patterns. I use clinical hypnotherapy, RTT and coaching to help them understand what’s going on and make changes that actually feel sustainable.

I’m still me. I still overthink things occasionally, swear a lot and have a very human life. But I know myself a lot better now, and that has changed how I live it.

Jess x