Perfectionism, Overthinking and the Dream You Keep Putting Off

You know the thing you keep thinking about doing but somehow never quite get around to starting?

It might be a course, a business idea, an application, a conversation you know you need to have, or something you’ve wanted to create for ages. You haven’t forgotten about it and, if we’re being honest, you probably still want it, but every time you get close to actually doing something, another thought appears.

Maybe you need a bit more time. Maybe you should research it properly first. Maybe there’s a better way to do it. Maybe you’re not quite ready yet.

And before you know it, you’ve spent weeks or months thinking about something you could probably have learned far more about by just cracking on with it.

I know this pattern very well because for years I thought perfectionism just meant having high standards and wanting to do things properly. Sometimes it does, but it can also look like procrastination, indecision, endlessly tweaking something that was probably fine three versions ago whilst watching other people do the exact thing you want to do and telling yourself you’re still getting ready.

The difficult thing about overthinking is that it can feel so bloody productive. You’re not sitting there doing nothing. You’re researching, planning, comparing options, thinking about what might go wrong and trying to work out the best possible way forward, so it feels as though you’re making progress.

Sometimes you are. But sometimes all of that thinking is just delaying the moment where you have to actually do something without knowing exactly how it will turn out.

That was a huge one for me.

I wanted to know I was making the right decision before I made it. I wanted to feel confident before I started and I wanted to be certain that if I put myself out there and tried something new, I wouldn’t regret it afterwards.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t really work like that.

Most of the things that have moved my life forward have involved doing something while I still felt unsure. Starting my therapy work, sharing more of myself publicly, building my business, having conversations I would previously have avoided. None of those things came with a moment where I suddenly thought, brilliant, I now feel completely ready and know exactly what I’m doing. I just reached the point where waiting to feel certain was keeping me stuck and fed up.

I also think there’s a difference between genuinely wanting to do something well and needing to do it so well that you make it almost impossible to begin.

Sometimes “I want to do this properly” becomes “I don’t want anyone to think I’m shit at this” or “I don’t want to make the wrong choice”. When you start looking at it that way, you can see how something that looks like high standards can sometimes be protecting you from putting yourself out there when you feel exposed, inexperienced or uncertain.

That doesn’t mean the answer is to stop caring or suddenly become someone who doesn’t care what anyone thinks. That’s not realistic for most people, and I’m certainly not there.

I still care about doing a good job and I care whether something works, but now I’m much more bothered about whether it’s helping me create something better, or if it’s just another reason not to go for it.

The confidence usually comes afterwards. You do the thing, learn from anything that didn’t work and every time you do it you get a bit more evidence that you’re capable of handling the next bit too.

You can change your mind and improve something later. You can be new at something without needing to hide it, and you can begin before you know exactly where it’s going to take you.

Sometimes you just need to start while you’re still a bit unsure.🩷

Jess x