You Don’t Have to Earn a Break

I didn’t realise quite how much I needed a break until I actually took one. Before I went to London last week, I was completely at capacity. You know when you’ve got so much going on that even the tiniest things start to feel like a massive deal? That was me, I was on the edge feeling tense, snappy and like the smallest thing could tip me over the edge.

Work, family, business, life. All the usual things, all happening at once. I was overwhelmed, exhausted and struggling to switch off.

And the ridiculous thing is, when we’re feeling like that, taking time for ourselves feels like the last thing we should be doing. There’s too much to sort out, too many things that need our attention and too many people relying on us.

But off I went to London and I had the most amazing time. I laughed, met up with some of my favourite people, did things I love and, most importantly, stepped away from my normal day-to-day life. I wasn’t constantly thinking about what needed doing next or running around after people and juggling it all. I was just enjoying myself.

I’d forgotten how much I needed that and how important it is for me to show up better for myself and everyone else around me.

But what about the guilt?

Before I left, my daughter Abbey told me how much she was going to miss me. My heart ached as she was so upset about me going. Of course, I was going to miss her too.

Hello familiar mum guilt. That little voice questioning whether I should really be going away and enjoying myself, when she was so upset about me leaving.

Something I’ve been thinking about is how easy it is to confuse loving someone with always having to put their needs ahead of our own. Of course her feelings mattered. We talked about them, had a big cuddle and reassured each other.

But I went anyway.

I also think it’s important for her to see that I have friendships and things that make me happy outside being her mum and that we can miss each other and still be absolutely fine.

I want her to grow up knowing that her needs matter, but that other people’s needs matter too. Including her own when she’s older. That's something I'm really hoping I'm teaching her.

I talk a lot about the Survival Spiral. That constant need to be doing something, sorting something, achieving something, thinking about what comes next and how bloody difficult it can be to step away from it all.

Sometimes the answer isn’t to do more but when you’re used to being the person who holds everything together, stopping can feel uncomfortable and sometimes impossible. You start thinking about what you should be doing instead. But sometimes you need to just do it anyway - get out of your own head, belly laugh spending time with your favourite people and to do something simply because you want to.

And now I’m home

Am I knackered? Absolutely. Do I have a million things to catch up on? Of course. Has everything magically sorted itself out while I’ve been away? Unfortunately not.

But I feel different. I’ve had some space from everything, and I'm feeling mentally refreshed and ready to get into things again.

On the flight back I was reflecting on it all and I thought about how we spend so much time trying to get everything done before we give ourselves permission to enjoy life. There's always going to be something else to do - another responsibility, another problem and something that needs our attention.

If we wait until everything is finished, we could be waiting forever.

You can love your family, care about your work, have goals and responsibilities and still need time that’s just for you.

It doesn’t make you selfish. Your needs are just as important.

Maybe the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, instead of asking what else you need to do, ask yourself something different.

What would actually feel good for me right now?

And then give yourself permission to do it. You might be surprised how much you needed it. 🩷

Jess x